I had a major moment yesterday. One of those moments when you really have a clear glimpse of exactly how far you’ve come. A major victory for me.
I was in San Diego for a work trip last work. Somehow, with my business and my team a work trip turned into a baller spa vacation…haha, but we did have our Corporate mentor come out for training, so I swear it counts as work. It was a nice break away from my kids, and it felt very vacationy and splurgy. I took it upon myself to eat and drink all the things! I didn’t do anything crazy, and I still worked out everyday, but there was definitely an excessive number of tacos and the wine was flowing. I was away from my kids (which almost never happens) and it felt fun and festive to let loose a little. So, here’s the moment…I DON’T REGRET IT!
The old Erin would have come home in a shame spiral of guilt and self hatred, hop on the scale to punish myself and face reality and then proceed to punish myself the rest of the week with under eating, overexercising and other restrictions. I called both my success partner and my coach yesterday crying like a baby because I am so proud of myself for not doing ANY OF THAT! I didn’t step anywhere close to the scale, I meal prepped and dialed in my nutrition…that’s it! For maybe the first time ever, I CHOSE SELF LOVE! I have no idea how much I weigh…no clue. So this is LITERALLY A NON SCALE VICTORY! I know that after vacation I’m probably up due to how my clothes fit, but after 5 days back on track, I feel amazing, I look different, my abs are starting to reappear, my clothes are fitting differently, I have more energy and my skin is brighter and clearer.
It’s truly amazing what this program has done to retrain my brain from all these terrible lifelong patterns. It’s amazing what this group of badass women have done for me because I will show up for them even on days when it’s hard to show up for myself. It’s amazing what this coaching opportunity has done for me because I am forced to lead from the front, even when it’s hard. I normally would have spent this entire week hating myself and punishing myself, but I CHOOSE LOVE!
I feel so proud, but mostly I’m proud that my little girls will get to grow up seeing a Mommy who forgives herself and loves herself instead of the one that spirals into self hatred and punishment.