I’ve been feeling myself slipping into some bad patterns the past two months. My weight has been creeping up, my anxiety is spiraling out of control, wine has become a nightly occurrence, and french fries, TCBY and pizzas have not been limited to special occasions. This happens to me from time to time. It’s almost like I just do it so I can remember why I don’t want to live my life feeling like that. I eat because I’m anxious, I’m anxious because I’m not making healthy choices (among other reasons)…it is a VICIOUS cycle.
I got back from vacation, and decided SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE. Time for me to get back on track. It’s been 10 days, and I can already feel the transformation. I’ve been on a new and extremely refreshing nutrition program where I’m not obsessing about counting calories, and feel like I have healthier relationship with food than I ever have in my whole life (not to mention I feel leaner and see ab definition for the first time in a LONG time).
I’ve started to do at-home workouts, which has been so interesting and surprisingly awesome. I never thought that would be something I would like. I finish my workouts everyday before anyone even wakes up. I realized that on days when my big girls have Mother’s Morning Out, I’ve been spending 10 minutes driving to the gym, a half hour of boring cardio, a half hour of lazy strength training, another 20 minutes chatting, and then another 10 minutes driving. By the time I’m done, it’s pretty much time to go back and pick up the big girls, and all I got done was a half ass workout. This new program is giving me space to do what I need to do for me. I can use this time to go to yoga (which I need more than ever), meet a friend for coffee, catch up on emails, organize my life, go home and get things done at my house so I’m not a crazy maniac trying to get it all done during nap time. It’s kind of incredible.
Mommy brain is REAL. I am dumber than shit right now, even socially awkward at times (not usually a problem for me). I’ve been finding myself struggling to complete sentences. Moms, please tell me that I’m not alone here!!! The other day, I couldn’t think of the word “reputation”! What the fuck has happened to my brain?!?!?! This is also a contributor to my anxiety. I resubscribed to my favorite fitness magazine and bought two personal development books. Now that I have created a little more time for myself and have more energy, I won’t have to spend my kid’s nap time taking an emergency nap or finding myself accidentally watching Kardashian and 90210 reruns (don’t judge!). I’ve been making an effort to read, blog, something, ANYTHING that uses my brain and not just fill the space with sleep and embarrassingly dumb TV.
Taking this time to be productive has me thinking about going back to work in some capacity. What I know I can take away from all of this is that I’m at my best when I’m helping people, when I’m practicing what I’m preaching, and leading by example…and I know I want my little girls to grow up seeing me at my best.